


far from home

by gypsydanger (makehomesofhumans)



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Slow Burn, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-05-29 06:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6363550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makehomesofhumans/pseuds/gypsydanger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The crew follows a distress call to the Dantooine base of rebels. They all must stay on the planet for a few days to create an alliance and help them through their disease.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Literally titled Disgusting and horrible.docx.  
> Anyway, this is poorly written and I'm too lazy to change much right now, I might edit it up later but who knows (Okay I know myself and I definitely will). Please ignore any and all errors concerning the Star Wars universe, I barely know anything other than what I watch lmao. I'll try to write more soon but I can't control my own motivation at this point.  
> The Underage warning is relative, but used just in case. Also the rating will increase as chapters are added, more than likely.

The galaxy sky was dusk and cold as usual, but floating in space had a soothing effect on Hera and she couldn’t help how easily she fell asleep in her pilot’s chair. At least the autopilot was on otherwise they could have been floating right into a black hole for all she could control.

She wouldn’t say she was frightened out of her slumber, because she was completely controlled and collected all the time, but she was definitely pulled out of sleep very suddenly and without warning.

“Help, we need your help! Anyone listening, Dantooine needs you!”

The woman’s voice was mostly rushed static over the com, but Hera knew that was because of the limited expanses the message was meant to reach. As she pulled herself out of her groggy state, she replayed the message a couple times in order to get the planet name right.

She stretched her arms above her head, rubbed her face, and then leaned over to the ship’s coms, “Hey guys, sorry about the interruption but it's time to get up, we’ve got a distress call.” No one pressed their reply buttons but she could somehow hear their groaning in her head anyway, she smiled.

She realized not all coms went through, though, as Kanan’s beeped back with a busy signal, so she called to Ezra again.

“Ezra, Kanan’s com-link is shut off, can you go tell him about the mission? He’s probably meditating.”

Ezra beeped back a minute later, “On it.”

Ezra was yawning and rubbing at his eyes when he stopped in front of Kanan’s door. He would normally knock, but he knows Kanan can feel his presence, as it seems, from across the galaxy these days and he figured waiting a few seconds before opening the door was basically the same as knocking anyway.

But then again, maybe he should have knocked. And maybe it shouldn’t be a big deal that Kanan was sitting shirtless on the floor, but he’d never seen his master so bare before and it was enough to catch him off guard, but he wasn’t sure why.

He wasn’t reeling or anything, so he didn’t have to recover, but he did wait a moment longer than what was probably normal before abruptly breaking the silence with, “Kanan, there's uh- there’s a distress signal Hera wants us to look into…”

Kanan’s emerald eyes flickered open, as if he didn’t know Ezra had entered the room, before nodding and standing up. Ezra’s master was more sluggish than normal when pulling his tunic over his head and tying his hair back, but either way Ezra watched every movement for a reason that he couldn’t quite name, and had no intention to.

 

The drowsy, yawning crew all met up in the galley to discuss the distress call and what it could mean, or really what it meant to them. Sabine was the most alert participant there, and Ezra had to guess she was painting instead of sleeping when she got buzzed.

“Did they say what they needed, or why?” Kanan seemed to be the grumpiest that he was disturbed at such a bad hour, but Ezra knew he just wanted time to himself for meditation, not that he was mad about someone needing help while he was sleeping.

Hera shook her head slowly, “Nothing, no information at all, they just asked for help. Though I’ve heard rumors of rebel activity on Dantooine, I never guessed it’d actually be happening on such a barren planet.”

“Well barren is better than overpopulated in terms of being noticed by the Empire.” Sabine was always the logical one, except when it came to blowing stuff up in a controlled manner.

Hera sighed, “Alright, well, since we don’t know what they need or why, I guess we’ll just have to go and see for ourselves. If they need medicine we have some on board, and if they need a lot we can try to find some. If they need anything else, we will contact the fleet and get their opinion once we arrive. And if it’s a trap, Chopper will stay in the Ghost and let the fleet know.”

Chopper beeped happily and whirled around in a circle. It hated being forced to follow the crew on possibly dangerous missions so it was more than ecstatic to stay behind. Ezra enjoyed that bucket of bolts, even though he also hated it.

They all broke apart and checked back in once they were at their stations. Zeb fell asleep in his chair somehow and had to get re-briefed on the mission as they were flying through hyperspace, but Ezra didn’t really get all the details right because he was pretty dazed too, so he just retold the basics. All they needed to know was that they were following a distress call and their friends would take care of the rest.

///

As the Ghost landed close to a small town, the crew prepared themselves for whatever they were about to face past that door. They scanned the planet before descending and found only organic life in rural areas, nothing like the Empire’s factions; they wanted to assume it truly was only rebels reaching out for a helping hand, but they couldn’t be too cautious.

As they stood in front of the door, Kanan realized that he never felt the need to tell Ezra to be careful on a mission. If he did, it would either go over his head instantly or it would be forgotten in battle anyway. Also, speaking wasn’t always necessary for them anymore because of their linked connection through the Force.

It felt as if they were always tethered to one another, never pulling too far away to break the line and never being too close for comfort. One could recognize the other’s mood and thoughts instantly, though they were simply vague impressions that they each came to recognize.

Ezra wasn’t sure how it was settling with him, being so close to someone in such an open way, almost relying on them after his childhood of solitude, but he was ready to deal with it as it came. If he was being honest with himself, he had never felt more stable or more peaceful in his life.

Finally, Hera was ready to open the doors to Dantooine, she looked around at her crew and smiled, “Prepare yourselves.” Zeb huffed and adjusted his holster.

The bright, glaring yellow sun beamed through the widening crack as they all shaded their eyes. Dantooine was not a sandy, dead terrain as half of them had expected, instead it was covered in grassland and foliage, definitely one of the more beautiful planets they had the pleasure of visiting.

Not long after viewing the planet was their admiration cut abruptly short by a large group of people rushing up to their ship and talking at them, all at different speeds. Kanan reached out a hand to Ezra’s shoulder, reflexively preparing to shield him if he needed to despite there being an obvious lack of evil guys with red lightsabers running at them.

But, instead of needing to defend against the villagers, they instead needed to calm them, because none of their people willing to stop and let another speak. The crew was starting to feel overwhelmed in the presence of such anxiety so Hera stepped up to save them, as she always did.

She raised her voice above the relentless babbling, “Calm down, calm down! Is there a leader for your group?” The rambunctious mass of people looked up to the crew’s captain in awe and finally started quieting down. They began rustling around and split their ranks in order to let someone through.

A younger, dark-skinned woman stepped forward and nodded graciously to Hera, smiling wide, “I appreciate you and your crew responding to our distress call, we weren’t sure how else to reach out, but we are very grateful you came.”

Hera nodded in return. Kanan and the rest of the gang started to mellow out now that they weren’t being yelled at, but he was still on the defensive and kept his hand on Ezra, just in case.

Hera took the initiative once more, “What can we do for you and your people? There wasn’t a lot of information in your call so we didn't bring much.”

The leader got a little more comfortable talking with Hera, “Well, since you all don’t look like Empire, can we assume you are in fact rebelling against them?”

Kanan was struck a little funny by that question and stepped forward to cross his arms, “Depends on who’s asking.” Ezra was cast into his tall shadow.

The woman understood how it could come off wrong and nodded, “I, this rebel base’s leader, am asking. We do not have much to help the cause, but we have been doing what we can on this planet and thought we might be able to come in contact with the famous gang of protesters the Empire wants to find. We do not need much, just some medical supplies and possibly an alliance if you are interested.”

Hera smiled, she was ecstatic that they were able to find more people to join their cause, but she was a little disgruntled at the circumstances of the meeting because of what she had to put her crew through.

“I thought we needed to hurry here because you all were in serious trouble, but you’re telling me it was just a ploy to join forces? Don’t get me wrong, I’m considering it, but I’m a little put off.”

Hera may have been upset for no reason, or maybe it was a good one, she couldn’t tell honestly. She needed a long nights sleep to care if she was in the wrong, which she was interrupted from to respond to their call.

The young leader put out her hands in assurance, “It was not simply a ploy, I came off wrong, and I apologize. We need intense medical care and supplies if you are capable of providing it,” she shook her head, “one of our members caught something nasty on an away mission and brought it back for us to enjoy.”

Upon hearing that, some of the crew covered their mouths animatedly and the other half started coughing in hopes that they hadn’t already caught the disease. Except Zeb of course, he claimed Lasats were immune to most illnesses already, so he just laughed and laughed.

The leader smiled and put out her hands again in apology, “Don’t worry, don’t worry, it isn’t an airborne affliction, through a few experiments we have concluded that it is only spread by contact.”

Zeb smacked Ezra on the back to stop him from choking violently and dramatically now that there was no threat; Ezra took it as a personal attack. He furrowed his brow and punched Zeb in the arm as hard as he could (which didn’t even move the Lasat); it really wasn’t the best idea after he was face down on the ground, and Zeb was in hysterics.

Kanan just turned around and gave them both _the look_ as Hera walked off with the rebel base’s leader in order to work out a plan.

///

The holo-conversation with the fleet went as well as Hera expected, since there was practically no downside to helping the rebel base.

Ahsoka was proud that they had found new allies, “As long as they aren’t building a trap for the empire to catch us, there is no reason to distrust them and ignore their pleas for help.”

Ezra admired Ahsoka with every part of his being; she was an amazing warrior who always had a logical head on her shoulders, no matter the circumstance. Most of the crew felt the same, even if they were too proud to admit it.

Hera wanted to squash any worries about the rebels creating a deception for the Empire, “The crew and I are going to stay on the planet for a couple days to ensure the medical assistance and supplies we provide are enough. We will not disclose any information about the fleet, and if something goes wrong, I’ll have Chopper ready to alert you all.” Chopper happily beeped again at her feet; this is the best mission they had ever gone on, in his opinion.

Ezra and the others were in the room with her for the call, but he was the only one that didn’t know of this idea to stay on Dantooine beforehand. Well, he and Zeb apparently, they were both sighing for probably similar reasons, he had to guess.

Kanan smiled and patted his shoulder, but that wasn’t much of a comfort. He liked the new rebels well enough, but they were all diseased, and he wasn’t trying to jump to conclusions but he didn’t think this trip was going to be all that fun. He wasn’t sure why Zeb had such a problem, but Zeb normally had a problem with everything so Ezra didn’t care to ask.

After Hera and the others were wished luck by the fleet and closed the comlink, Hera turned in her chair and addressed the facts of the mission.

“Alright guys, we'll pick up the supplies from the fleet and transfer them to Dantooine; we'll also be staying there for as long as we are needed. Hopefully a new alliance will come of all this work, but either way this isn’t far off from our normal do-good runs. Now, to the important stuff, does anyone have preferences for sleeping arrangements?”

Zeb spoke up immediately, “I deserve a room to myself for a few days after suffering this kid all the time!” he yelled while squashing Ezra’s head and giving it a good ruffle. He wasn’t being malicious, if his huge smile was any indication.

Ezra shot back with, “If anything I deserve a few days away from your reek!” He tried to hit Zeb again, but again it didn’t work out like he wanted it to.

Kanan just spoke over them as they started to ‘grapple’, or whatever it was they were trying to do, “I’m guessing we aren’t all going to get rooms to ourselves, so I don’t mind bunking with Ezra if you and Sabine want to room together?”

Ezra stopped fighting Zeb and looked over to his master, but he didn’t know what he wanted to say or why that made him pause. Kanan noticed though, “Is that not okay with you?” He was genuine, but Ezra was confused.

“No, no that’s fine, why wouldn’t it be okay?” He pulled away from Zeb entirely, but never looked away from Kanan. Something was off.

Kanan shrugged, “I don’t know, you’re the one giving me a weird look.”

Now Ezra was even more confused, what look? He just decided to avert his eyes instead of trying to understand. It was silent for a second before Hera practically coughed out, “I don’t mind bunking with Sabine, that good with you?”

Sabine perked up and put her hands on her hips, “No problem at all.”

Hera smiled at her, “Alright, lets get to it then.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, my interest in fic fluctuates very often so it's hard to write consistently. Anyway this is short and barely edited so I Apologize for everything :-)

Ezra’s mind was a cloud sometimes; he couldn’t always get himself to focus. Kanan and him were sitting together on his floor meditating; Zeb being preoccupied with chopper was a good chunk of time for some Jedi training, other than meditating not really working out the way Kanan had hoped.

“Ezra, I know you’re not concentrating. Your head’s running a mile a minute.”

Ezra hadn’t even closed his eyes, he knew he wasn’t concentrating, and he wasn’t trying that hard to either. He couldn’t stop thinking about Kanan, nothing specific about him, just him.

And he really needed to stop, because he knew Kanan could sense his thoughts, or at least how he was feeling. There was a strong connection spooled like golden thread between them, and while their thoughts couldn’t be read by the other, they sensed things, felt things. It was honestly unexplainable, but Ezra felt the thread run through his veins every time he took a second to recognize the force, and Kanan was always on the other end of it, tugging.

Kanan opened his bright hazel eyes to glare at his padawan, “What’s going on with you?”

Ezra was noticing every little nuance of Kanan’s all of a sudden, every little detail, and he had no idea why; but damn, he didn’t care anymore. He didn’t know what to do about it or if he wanted to do anything at all, but he knew he couldn’t let Kanan sense his turmoil.

“Nothing, I just can’t focus.” He wasn’t frustrated with Kanan, he was just frustrated. He dropped his meditative posture and slumped over on his elbows, “I know you want me to try harder but I can’t today.”

Kanan reached out to touch Ezra’s knee in a way he usually didn’t, and he caught himself before he even made contact and pulled his hand back; something inside of Ezra burned.

Kanan sighed and jumped up to his feet, “Let’s take a break.” He lent his hand for Ezra to grab and follow up; they were standing close now, and Ezra had to force himself to keep his eyes on the wall instead of Kanan’s chest.

The room door swiped open suddenly and Hera poked her head in. At that moment Ezra realized he hadn’t let go of Kanan’s hand after being pulled up. He quickly put some space between them and rubbed the back of his neck. He was so obvious, and embarrassed.

Hera tried to make it seem like she didn’t notice anything odd, she was honestly a blessing, “We’re landing on Dantooine soon, are you guys ready to go?”

Ezra nodded fast, “Yeah, we’re ready.” He swept by her without looking back at Kanan; he could feel the thread between them tugging.

///

Marooning on Dantooine felt like a long, stressful vacation. Ezra wasn’t really sure why they _had_ to stay on the planet, but he trusted Hera’s judgment and got over it easily.

Initially he was indifferent about sharing a room with Kanan, but now that he was standing in the room’s doorway and seeing how small the space was his stomach started to hurt.

He didn’t understand it, just like he didn’t understand most things making his body rattle these last few days. All he could do was grip his stomach and hope it went away.

He wanted to ask Kanan what was wrong with him, of course, but he got a white light of anxiety rushing through his bones any time he considered it. For some reason or another, it didn’t seem like the thing to bring up to Kanan.

Speaking of his master, he snickered behind Ezra and asked if he was worried about the room size. Ezra couldn’t manage to come up with a witty reply at the moment; he just walked to his side of the bed, because there was only room for one, and set his small bag down.

“Well, at least we’ll have plenty of time to bond.” Kanan smiled, an action that Ezra could not grasp or replicate in this situation. Kanan must have sensed that because he instantly followed up with, “Don’t worry, I’ll sleep on the floor.”

There was another tug on his abdomen and he stuttered out a confused, “Why?” without really wanting to.

Kanan set down his bag and raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean ‘why’? There’s only one bed, and I’m being thoughtful, which you should take advantage of.”

Well, Ezra wanted to digest that, but he was still stuck on why he thought they were going to share a bed. He was also stuck on the fact that he didn’t mind doing so, and that he was confused why they couldn’t.

There were too many thoughts crashing into each other in his mind, he felt like he was holding his breath for too long, like he was about to suffocate. He couldn’t finish a single thought and he was starting to spiral. He thudded down on the bed and put his head in his hands.

Kanan landed a heavy, anchoring palm on his back and spoke softly, “You need to clear that head of yours.”

That made Ezra look up at him, and then he didn’t look away. Kanan held his gaze and Ezra could feel the thread between them tightening. His chest was taut and his mind was a haze, he needed to sleep and get a grip.

Kanan helped him out, as he always did. “We’ll test out those sleeping arrangements tonight, and if you have any problems in the morning we can change it. But it’s late, and I’m ready for bed.”

Ezra nodded and watched as Kanan set up his pillow and blanket on the floor before settling himself under his covers.

They lay in silence for a while before Kanan sighed and spoke up, “Okay this is horrible, I change my mind. We’re definitely editing sleeping arrangements for tomorrow.”

Ezra couldn’t help but laugh.

///

Dantooine may have been beautiful, but it wasn’t exactly entertaining. Many services and shops were closed because most of the rebel base was on sick leave. Kanan tried to make the time pass quicker with more entertaining training sessions, but if anything it just messed with Ezra more.

He never worked out whatever was making his stomach feel like a stone, and he was trying not to think about it so that Kanan couldn’t sense his distress. He appreciated Kanan wanting to help but nothing he could do would make him feel better, Ezra believed, so it was better not to worry him.

Their new sleeping arrangements helped Kanan but didn’t do the same for Ezra. They were in the same bed, and while it was comfortable it was not relaxing.

It was small, Ezra could hear Kanan’s breathing, and he could feel his body heat. There was no escape except for sleep, and it was so damn hard to reach that.

The close quarters were suffocating him and he didn’t understand it, he needed to leave their tiny room for a while. He wanted Kanan close, and that made him realize he needed to get away.

Ezra woke up on the third day of marooning and immediately got out of bed.

Kanan opened his eyes blearily and rubbed at them, “Ey, where’re ya’ goin’?”

Ezra pulled on his jacket and opened the door, “I’m just going to look around town, I’ll be back later.”

He found himself wandering a valley not far from town; it was lush green and filled with loth cats that he felt close to. He didn’t bring anything with him, so he had nothing to occupy himself, but as he continued to walk, he found a small, abandoned communications tower.

He climbed the stairs to the top and found an opening deck overlooking the valley. He sat down cross-legged to try and see if he could finally meditate and clear out his thoughts on his own.

He had a cold feeling running down his spine at the thought of finally understanding himself, but he had to do it, he had to get through whatever was wrong.

He started at the beginning, when something changed for him. He wanted to believe the first time he noticed anything different was when Kanan said they would share a room together but it really stretched farther back than that.

He remembered glimpses of Kanan shirtless, Kanan smiling, Kanan touching him. He wanted to pull back and forget about it again once he remembered, but he knew that would only make things worse. He forced himself to analyze those moments, to notice how they affected him.

Ezra started pushing further, creating his own scenes and atmospheres. He imagined them in the same bed, slowly drawing together over nights of sleeping so closely. He imagined Kanan touching him more openly and willingly, being more affectionate.

His haze of imagination dragged him through everything domestic possible, until finally he was pulled into a close, intimate scene, a scene in which Ezra was wounded and collapsed with Kanan crouching over him, holding him close and whispering, pleading with him to get up. He imagined Kanan coming so close that he could feel his master’s breath on his lips; he could feel his body’s will rousing at that feeling, ready to wake up and touch.

Before it went any farther, Ezra’s eyes snapped open in a panic. He felt Kanan connect with his thoughts; he felt the thread pull him in and open him up.

He wasn’t sure how much of his imagination was roughly translated over to Kanan’s end of the rope, but he knew he didn’t want to find out. Though to his regret, he knew he would be forced to face him eventually no matter how he felt.

He took his time looking over the valley after that, trying to keep his head blank and clear no matter how excruciatingly difficult that was. He attempted connecting to the loth cats, but he couldn’t concentrate long enough to do so. He was back to his hazing mind distracting him, and his escape didn’t help one bit.

His trek back to the hotel room was slow; he was trying to get caught up in anything he could on the way. Once he arrived at the room door, he knew Kanan could sense him, and it wasn’t worth putting off any longer.

He wasn’t sure if he should try to act normal and be ignorant of whatever Kanan might be aware of, or if he should face it head on and accept his fate. But, of course, he decided to run from it and ignore his heart in the end.

He shoved open the door with a loud, “I’m back! You miss me?” He strode into the room with a smile on his face, hiding everything, like he always did.

Kanan was meditating on the floor when Ezra saw him, and it took Ezra back to his own meditation earlier, his thoughts betraying his façade.

Kanan’s eyebrow perked up, and Ezra knew it was because he felt his thoughts switch to that topic. His master said nothing of it, though, “Didn’t even notice you left.”

He had a smug smile on his face and Ezra honestly knew him way too well, “That’s always what you say when you miss me, so I’ll take it as a yes.”

Kanan stood up and walked over to him, patting the side of his arm and standing closer to him than he ever had, “Take it however you want,” he smirked.

His master passed him and walked into the bathroom. Ezra’s head was spinning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to update more frequently, criticism or ideas welcome.


	3. Chapter 3

The crew wasn’t staying on Dantooine much longer now that all the medical supplies they could give were delivered successfully to the rebel base. Or, rather, Ezra didn’t have to suffer in the same bed with Kanan on Dantooine anymore; that was how he decided to look at it anyway. Because that was really all he could manage to think about right now.

But he did have to at the moment, he was still stuck next to him, shoulder to back or toes to calf; he was starting to lose his mind. Kanan was tall and lanky, he needed space that Ezra occupied, so they could either intertwine or shove at each other, and neither were preferable for Ezra.

Currently Kanan had his arm thrown over Ezra’s waist, not gripping or pulling, while also keeping his knees in the back of Ezra’s legs. It was so close to spooning that Ezra couldn’t even try to close his eyes; he hadn’t gotten more than ten hours of sleep over the last three nights because of this exact predicament.

Kanan sighed and Ezra felt the air from it softly graze his neck and he wanted to scream. They were close, definitely closer than most people, but they didn’t have to be this _close_. Especially, Ezra thought, after he had just recently realized his feelings, and Kanan sensed something new growing in his bones. Was he trying to kill Ezra so soon, so young? Because it damn well felt that way.

Ezra curled his body in tight and got as close to the edge of the bed as possible in hopes of pulling away from his master a bit. Kanan’s breathing changed and Ezra recognized as he woke up for a second so that he could turn over towards his own corner, and Ezra was so grateful for it.

///

The crew all met at the Ghost’s doors the next morning, deciding it was time for them to move onto another mission now that they were done on Dantooine. It wasn’t a reunion since they had seen each other regularly over the last few days, but somehow it felt like one to Ezra. Everyone was smiling at each other.

Hera was the one to discuss further communications with their new rebel allies, “Keep in touch, and let us know if you ever need anything, the rebellion is always willing to help.”

The younger leader smiled and grasped Hera’s hands, “You do the same, we will be ready to fight when you need us.”

Hera nodded and thanked her; the leader did the same back, generously. As the crew was preparing to jump to lightspeed, they looked out the window to see the rebels waving them off; it gave Ezra a homesick feeling for no good reason, so he pushed it down and waved. Kanan put a hand on his shoulder, to ground him or lift him he wasn’t sure, but his actions did both either way.

Once they were safely traveling at lightspeed, Hera and Ahsoka created a comlink to discuss how their stay on Dantooine went. The energy in the air grew brighter instantly.

Everyone was happy to see Ahsoka again, and Ezra especially felt something hopeful blossom in his chest when she gave him an understood look and pleased greeting. He didn’t know if she somehow looked inside his mind and picked everything apart, but she was reassuring even if she didn’t mean to be.

The whole crew took their good time saying hello to her, but Hera broke up the niceties in order to get to business, as she was best at, “We were able to create a successful alliance, but it needs to be a secret one, known only by you. They are not well protected on Dantooine and we don’t have the power to protect them in case of emergency.”

Ahsoka nodded, “I agree, I’m glad we were able to assist them, but there are many more distress calls that need addressed at the moment.”

Hera started a list of coordinates that they needed to visit and told Ahsoka they would get on it once they were re-supplied and got more fuel. She thanked the crew once more for a prosperous mission and said goodbye.

Ahsoka’s departure left Ezra feeling a bit hollow. He was left alone with his thoughts once more; there were no more distractions on their ship that he could hide behind.

///

Now that they weren’t shoved into a bed together, Ezra was trying his damnedest to avoid his master. He was still required to attend training sessions, but outside of that he rarely saw Kanan. He kept himself holed up in his room, and Zeb was sleeping like a bear now that he was back in his bunk.

When they had walked back into their room together, Zeb had sighed and thrown himself on his bed, “Those mattresses were hell; I couldn’t find one comfortable position anywhere” and he was passed out within ten minutes.

Ezra knew the feeling, but he wasn’t about to say one thing about it.

Kanan was chasing Ezra around the ship, practically, because he wanted to talk to him about Dantooine. His padawan was being very avoidant now that they were back on the ship, and he always made sure that someone else was in the room with them if Kanan did manage to find him.

Along with running from Kanan physically, Ezra had shut down their connection entirely. He hadn’t made any attempts to reach out to his master through the force since they got back on the ship, and Kanan hated it. He hated how cold Ezra’s presence felt now that they didn’t have a thread connecting them. He wanted it back, wanted to reach out to Ezra, but there was never a proper way to say that other than though the force.

Ezra was scared to face his master, and he wasn’t confused on why anymore; he knew he was afraid of Kanan’s disgust, hatred, abandonment. He always screwed things up for himself one way or another, but he wasn’t about to face the music yet. He didn’t want to be pushed away or left alone; he had finally found a home and his feelings weren’t about to get him kicked out of it.

Kanan didn’t understand that though, he didn’t understand Ezra’s fears; all his master knew was that he was running from him, and that Kanan needed to catch him and bring him home.

But home didn’t feel like Ezra’s bed to him anymore, it felt like Dantoonine. His heart yearned for how he felt in their room, how easily they fit together. He was killing himself over it, but he really did miss it, no matter how badly he wanted to escape it.

He was doing a pretty great job of avoiding Kanan, if he did say so himself. He hadn’t been alone with him except for their training, which was too important to ruin with a messy conversation, so Ezra hadn’t had to face anything yet.

But he could sense Kanan getting restless, and one day it came to fruition.

Ezra was lying in his bunk talking to Zeb when Kanan knocked on the door. The two hot heads had a small spat over who should have to get up and open the door before they remembered that they didn’t need to and just told Kanan to come in.

“I swear you guys can literally fight about anything.” Kanan was smiling when he came in and it pulled at something deep in Ezra’s stomach.

Zeb gave him a look, “Did you come in here just for that?” He was already getting comfortable again, almost as if Kanan had never even walked in and he could just fall asleep in a minute if he needed to.

Kanan huffed a bit, “No, I came in here to talk to Ezra. Would you mind giving us a minute?”

Zeb and Ezra had the same facial reaction, opened eyes and lifted eyebrows, but they were each made for very different reasons. Ezra knew he couldn’t run forever but he didn’t know Kanan would be this persistent, while making it so obvious to Zeb that something strange was going on.

Zeb took a second to consider the circumstances and simply said, “You want me to leave? To have to stand up and walk somewhere?” Zeb started making a dramatic example of getting out of his bed very noisily and huffily.

Kanan laughed at that and crossed his arms, “Hope it’s not too much trouble.”

Zeb sighed and got up, “Oh it is. You owe me one.” He patted Kanan on the shoulder on his way out and Ezra could barely keep his heart from breaking his ribs. He considered bolting right past Kanan out the open door before he stopped himself from being stupid. Also, right after he thought of it, Kanan was closing that door. Ezra couldn’t stop staring at it.

Kanan didn’t say anything for a good while until Ezra could sense him trying to re-establish their connection through the force. Ezra shut it down immediately, tore the thread in half.

He could see Kanan getting frustrated and his master abruptly blurted out, “I know you’re avoiding me.”

Ezra was worried; he didn’t want to upset Kanan in any way, but he didn’t want to expose himself either, “What? No I’m not.” He sounded like a kid.

Kanan scoffed at that, they both knew he was lying, “Come on, Ezra. Why are you acting like this, did I do something wrong?”

Kanan was always so full of heart; sometimes it confused Ezra. How could someone be so open and willing to sacrifice; he could never be like Kanan. Maybe that was the problem; he didn’t feel he deserved Kanan, or his bleeding heart.

Ezra acted like that was the stupidest question he had ever heard, “No?”

Kanan huffed, “Then what is it?”

His master was tired, Ezra could tell. He knew he wasn’t making this easy but he didn’t think there was any simple way to go about bringing up the fact that he had a crush on him. It’s not even a possibility for him to have Kanan, due to Jedi code and many other things, so he doesn’t see the point in talking about it.

Kanan needs to though, apparently, “Fine, I’ll just guess then.”

Ezra’s eyes opened wide at that; he knew Kanan knew what was making him keep his distance, he was just trying to let Ezra talk about it on his own terms. But he’s over that now; he will bring it up if Ezra won’t.

“I felt it, you know, what you imagined in your meditation.” Ezra felt like his ribcage was shaking, it moved down to his toes and back. He needed to stop Kanan. Right now. Before he was abandoned, and forgotten out of disgust and hate. He just wanted to keep his family.

“You don’t know anything.” Ezra’s voice was deeper and scratchier than either of them had ever heard it. He was so scared of losing everything he found; he manifested that fear into rage and pushed back at his master, “Nothing happened, I just want to be alone and you’re suffocating me. So get out.”

“Ezra-“

“Kanan-“ Ezra choked on his fear, “please.”

Kanan halted, stopped trying to reach him, “Okay, okay Ezra. I’ll leave. I just need to tell you…”

Ezra’s eyes were closed and he wanted to curl up in the corner alone; he could feel the dread crawling up his spine and he wanted it to stop. He wanted everything to stop. He wanted to grind down his feelings and forget everything that happened, all at once, just so he could have Kanan back, back in the way they were before.

But then Kanan was moving closer, putting a heavy hand on Ezra’s knee, and Ezra swore it burned to the touch but also made his skin feel like sunlight at the same time, and he couldn’t fucking take it.

Kanan squeezed and Ezra opened his eyes. His master was right there, inches from his face, and Ezra got caught in emerald.

Kanan smiled, “I felt all of it, all of what you saw, and I feel the same.”

And then he left. He gave Ezra zero time to change his mind and bring him back. Ezra was sent reeling and he just sat there, for how long he wasn’t sure, but he barely registered Zeb coming back into the room and talking to him because it was so far away, everything was; everything, except for Kanan’s voice, Kanan’s words.

_He felt the same._

He wasn’t really specific about anything but Ezra felt his chest break open and let the sun in the minute he said it, so it must have been exactly what he thought it was; exactly the thing that he was afraid of Kanan knowing.

Ezra still hadn’t moved from his spot a while after everything; he was so drained from the last few days of locking Kanan out that he didn’t really have time to think about anything, time to really digest everything, before he was passed out with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the small wait, I am so horrible at staying on task with fic, but I'm going to try to wrap all this up soon for you guys! The only reason this fic is even in chapters is because I'm so bad at consistently creating writing lol, it probably wouldn't be chaptered if I wasn't The Worst. (Also after I posted this chapter I saw that the word count was at 6664 so I threw in a couple more for the fun of it lmao. Looks good now.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry that this took so long. I hope it was worth the wait, and I appreciate everyone that stuck around!

When Ezra finally woke, which was much later than expected because of his heavy exhaustion, the events of the night before played back in his mind.

He felt the ghost of Kanan’s hand on his knee and stared in a trance at the memory of Kanan’s blue green eyes peering into his own; and then his pounding heart stammered a bit when he remembered Kanan reassuring him of his feelings.

He could never get tired of hearing Kanan saying that, whether it was his memory’s playback or not, just hearing it made him want to smile and revel in it.

He didn’t have time to think about consequences or problems that may sprout up later, all he could think about was having Kanan, if he could.

He stayed in his bed pretending to be asleep until Zeb forced himself to get up and get going. Ezra wasn’t overly concerned with what he was doing; all he cared about was reaching out to Kanan.

The second the door closed behind Zeb, Ezra sprang up from his sheets and sat himself in the middle of the floor to meditate. It was going to be difficult to get his mind to concentrate on threading his connection with Kanan once again when he had so much excitement building up in his stomach, but he had to try.

///

Kanan wasn’t in quite the same mood as Ezra that morning. He barely got himself to fall asleep the night before after he had just laid everything bare for his padawan and Ezra hadn’t even tried to talk to him after.

Maybe it was fear or maybe it was nerves, but Kanan couldn’t get out of his bed for anything. What if he read the whole situation completely wrong? What if Ezra was trying to repress everything instead of embracing it? Kanan couldn’t stand any of those possibilities, but his mind wouldn’t stop shoving them to the forefront of his brain.

He didn’t know how long he just lied helpless in his bed, but everything in his worrying mind vanished when he felt a small, strong tug on his heart.

The tug was so strong that he snapped his eyes open and sat up in his bed. Ezra was finally reaching out to him, trying to bring the master to his padawan.

Kanan let the connection between them grow and curl tightly in his chest before he finally stood up and put on a shirt and some pants. It was the fastest he had ever done anything, and he made his way towards Ezra’s room just as quickly.

His mind was blank as he felt his heart speed up and let a smile curl at his lips. The hallway was empty and it was as if everyone left them alone just for this. He knew better, but he couldn’t help but be grateful for the accidental solitude.

Once he reached Ezra’s door, he put his hand against the cold metal; the connection between them intensified, wavered, and broke under the stress of their racing hearts.

Kanan felt hollow for a second before he opened the door and saw his padawan sitting restless in the middle of the floor. He felt both of their chests blossom once again, the connection threading stronger than ever before, and he jolted forward.

Ezra stood up before Kanan met him in the middle; Kanan grabbed Ezra’s arms and pulled him in close. Their eyes never broke contact but they didn’t move either.

Ezra sighed, “Kanan-“ and Kanan moved in to cut him off with a kiss. He felt Ezra’s breath stop before he got there and he pulled back before their lips touched, remembering that they never talked about this, or anything.

Kanan loosened his grasp, and Ezra furrowed his eyebrows, “What’s wrong?”

Kanan smiled, “We haven’t talked about any of this. I can’t be sure what you want until you tell me.”

Ezra gave him dead eyes, “Kanan, you’re kidding me; I thought I was being obvious a few minutes ago.”

Kanan laughed, put his hand on the back of Ezra’s neck, and started to move in again, “Can’t be too careful. I’ve got a lot to lose here.”

Ezra smiled against his mouth and he thought it was probably the most amazing thing he had ever felt. They melted into each other as Kanan wrapped his arms around his padawan’s middle and lifted him off the ground a bit in sheer, eager happiness.

Ezra’s hands were in his hair and around his neck and goddamn he could die like this. Ezra was definitely new to this but that fact made everything feel private and pure; he reveled in the idea of being Ezra’s first for everything.

He could feel Ezra getting antsy in his arms and he had to stop himself from letting them continue to even newer things. He pulled his lips away from Ezra’s and they panted into each other’s mouths for a second. Kanan opened his eyes and got lost in Ezra’s, until he felt a fear creeping up Ezra’s spine through their connection.

Kanan backed off for a second to see if he caused his padawan’s fear, but then Ezra held him close.

“Isn’t this… illegal or something?” Ezra was more confused than scared now, and so was Kanan.

“…Illegal?”

Ezra sighed, “I don’t know, illegal to the Jedi Code? A master and padawan being together?”

Kanan rubbed his thumb against Ezra’s jaw, “It’s not widely accepted by any means, but since when have you cared about laws?” he smirked.

Ezra became defiant instantly, “I want to be a Jedi; I don’t want to break their expectations.” He was flustered, he sighed, “But I also want to ignore it if it doesn't matter.”

Kanan nodded and smiled, “I know, but I don’t want you to worry. We don’t have to live up to any expectations to be connected to the force. The force knows those it chooses, if anything it chose us for this reason instead of in spite of it. It won’t leave us for it.”

Kanan felt that Ezra wasn’t one hundred percent certain about that but he nodded and accepted it anyway. He trusted Kanan to lead him and help him, not misguide and lie to him.

Kanan moved in the silence and leaned in to kiss him again, because he missed doing that already. Ezra pulled away again not long after it started.

“What about Hera and everyone? What are we going to do? I don’t want them to hate us, especially you, I couldn’t take it if I caused-”

Kanan pressed his lips against his padawan’s and pulled him in close, “Ezra, it's okay, we can hide it if you want, but I don’t want you to worry about that right now. We can hide us, this, we can do whatever you want, but worry about it later, not now.”

Ezra’s pupils were blown wide and he nodded fast, pulling Kanan back to his mouth. Ezra surged up into his master's space as Kanan moved them both towards the open bottom bunk.

They were there until the Ghost’s doors opened and they heard the rest of the crew come home. Once they heard it they parted and sat separately on the floor, waiting for Zeb to walk in. They passed memories back and forth about their morning together until Zeb eventually interrupted and Kanan was expected to leave after a while.

No one had to know but them.

///

Hiding themselves from the crew seemed to be tougher than they had anticipated. Neither of them could help thinking about how they wanted to be with each other and it just made them restless. They barely ever got time alone and until they did they were on edge.

They thought they were doing a pretty good job of keeping the secret though. But one person knew, and of course she knew, she knew everything.

Hera confronted Kanan about it one afternoon when they were out looking to buy some supplies. She let the rest of the crew walk in front of them before she pulled him behind.

“Okay, tell me what’s going on.”

Kanan’s eyes went wide and she knew she was on the money. Ezra looked behind at them, concerned, before snapping his vision away and she knew she was even more right than she could have bet on.

Kanan tried to stutter out a meaningless, “I don’t know what you mean” but Hera stopped him immediately.

“Kanan, don’t get your pants in a twist, I’m not going to demonize either of you for this. I just wish you would have told me, you know you can trust me.”

He had to cast his eyes down to avoid the hurt in Hera’s eyes, “He was just worried everyone would be mad. I promised him we could keep it quiet…”

Kanan looked over at Ezra with solemn eyes and Ezra looked back again before smiling. She didn’t know what passed between them but it definitely lifted their spirits right away.

Hera smiled and patted him on the back, “Well, you don’t need to worry about me. I might suggest you talk to Sabine, though.”

He whipped his head back to look at her for that, “Does she know too?”

Hera tilted her head a bit, “Not completely, but she suspects, and she’s not as easily understanding as me.”

Kanan nodded and thanked her, kissed her on the cheek, and jogged to catch back up with the rest of the crew. She smiled after him.

///

Kanan was worried about Sabine, because he knew that if she started to pull away from them Ezra would be devastated, for more reasons than one. Ezra could sense that his master was worried about something, and Kanan shouldn’t have let it seep through their connection, but Ezra met his master in his bedroom later that night anyway.

Ezra walked through the door discretely and the minute the door closed Kanan was on him, kissing the breath out of him without a second thought. They had been on edge for a while, forced into hiding for a long time during their recent mission.

Kanan pulled back a second later and whispered, “Missed you” quietly against Ezra’s lips.

Ezra smirked and pushed at his master’s shoulder, “Sap. Saw you twenty minutes ago.”

Kanan chuckled openly, gathered Ezra in his arms and carried him over to the bed. Kanan set his padawan down on the edge of the mattress and got down on his knees in front of him, looking up at Ezra lovingly. Ezra’s heart stuttered for a second before he broke the eye contact by leaning down to kiss him.

Kanan surged up and pushed Ezra onto his back and crawled over his small body, all without letting their mouths part.

He could feel Ezra getting restless underneath him but they hadn’t gone any farther than this yet. Kanan wasn’t sure if they should right now, either.

Ezra sensed Kanan holding himself back and groaned into his mouth, “Kanan, please-“

Kanan pulled back and looked into his padawan’s eyes. He wanted to push farther and be closer just as much as Ezra, but- “There’s something we have to do first.”

Ezra was confused until he recalled earlier that day when Kanan was talking to Hera and he instantly lost all the pulsing energy he had. He pushed himself up on his elbows as Kanan sat back on his feet.

“What did she say?” Ezra’s voice was a little shaky, and Kanan put his hand on his thigh to ground him, protect him.

Kanan decided to rip it off like a band-aid, just put it all out there. “She knows, she figured it out,” Ezra’s fear started bubbling and Kanan wanted to rescue him, “She’s okay with it though, it’s okay.”

Ezra’s dread started to ebb away, but he still felt tense under Kanan’s hands, “Then what’s wrong?’

Kanan sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing the back of his neck. “She wants us to talk to Sabine about it.”

Silence, then, “Sabine knows.”

It wasn’t a question, just an anxious statement, one that made Ezra want to curl up and hide from everyone, everyone except for Kanan.

Kanan kissed him to bring him back, and Ezra couldn’t say it didn’t help. Kanan spoke softly, “We can make her understand, there’s nothing wrong here.”

Ezra scoffed, but Kanan was persistent, “I’m serious Ezra, there is _nothing_ wrong here. We’re the same as we always have been, we’re just finally getting what we want.”

Ezra understood, and nodded, and accepted. Kanan smiled and moved in slowly, parting his lips once again to bring Ezra in and soothe him. Ezra wrapped his arm around Kanan’s shoulders and pulled him down.

They stayed there for a while before Ezra pulled back, asking, “Can we talk to her now?”

Kanan lifted an eyebrow, looked down between their close bodies, back up to Ezra and asked, “Right now?”

Ezra smiled and chuckled, “Yes right now, can’t you think about something else for one second?”

Now that was hypocritical, “You little-“

Ezra jumped up before Kanan finished and smiled at him, put out his hand, and softly said, “C’mon, let’s go. Please.”

Well, he couldn’t say no to that. He reluctantly got up and took his padawan’s hand. They walked out boldly, ready to face anyone who wanted to split them up; it wasn’t their place, and no one would ever be able to manage it anyway.

They walked up to Sabine’s door and it opened before they even got to say a word. Sabine’s arms were crossed and she looked down at their entwined hands before looking back up, annoyed. Ezra dropped his hand and Kanan rolled his eyes with a smirk. Too late for that.

Sabine let them into her room/studio and they sat down at a table together; she didn’t sit with them.

No one said a word until Ezra whipped out this sad, quiet voice and whispered out a small “Sabine…”

That made her eyes soften a bit, but they went back to normal when she looked at Kanan. She cut his throat with her words first.

“How could you do this to him. You’re in a position of power and you pressured him into this? Are you that sick?”

And, well, when she put it like that, Kanan understood where her anger was coming from. His proud mood instantly fell away to embarrassment and worry. He wasn’t trying to do that at all, he wasn’t who she thought he was, but there was no way for him to say that without sounding defensive.

Ezra instantly flared back at her for him though, at his side like he was meant to be, “Kanan didn’t force me into anything, and if you think I’m that much of a mindless child then maybe I don’t care if you get over this or not. Because _this_ ,” he grasped Kanan’s hand again, “isn’t going anywhere.”

“But Ezra, he’s your master, he shouldn’t-“

“This isn’t about that Sabine. This is something else; it’s always been there. I don’t know how to explain it to you, but he didn’t force anything. I wanted this, and I didn’t even know he did too until I let it show.”

Sabine got quiet, and Kanan knew she wasn’t quite ready to believe that Kanan didn’t have some play in altering Ezra’s opinion somehow.

Ezra spoke up quietly once again, saving Kanan from the silence, “I don’t want to lose you as a friend Sabine, but I’m not going to give Kanan up to keep you; I can’t.”

Kanan decided it was time to say something, and even though Sabine’s eyes narrowed on him when he opened his mouth, he plunged on, “You mean a lot to us, we need you to be okay with this. I don’t want you to be upset with me, but I can put my pride aside if you stay. You can be mad at me for as long as you want, just please don’t do the same to Ezra.”

He could tell that struck hard for her, because he wasn’t always the one to get over his pride for someone else. But at this point he’d do anything for Ezra, and always would.

Sabine sighed, “Okay, I can get past it. As long as nothing goes south because of… _this_ , I’ll be fine. I could never leave my family.”

Ezra broke out into a smile over that and jumped up to hug her. She smiled and patted his shoulder. Kanan sat in silence, relieved by the outcome, and ready to go to sleep.

Kanan and his padawan left Sabine’s room, and went back to his room together. Ezra laid down first and turned to the right so that Kanan could spoon up behind him, just like on Dantooine, just like they were meant to. They fell asleep fast and content.

///

The next morning everyone was called into the main room to discuss their next mission. Kanan followed Ezra close behind, neither really caring about appearances anymore.

When everyone settled down, Kanan put his hand on Ezra’s thigh and his padawan covered his hand with his own. Right after it happened Zeb yelled out, “Gross!” and they broke apart automatically. Ezra was terrified.

But then Zeb broke out laughing and Hera rolled her eyes next to him. Zeb barely got to choke out a small “I’m kidding” in between his fits of laugher. Ezra threw some bottle at his head and Zeb didn’t even stop laughing long enough to be mad.

They were all one big, weird family, but it was the happiest thing any of them could have hoped to find.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for keeping me going through all of this, you guys are great.


End file.
